


Decomposition

by amycooper



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Divergence, Depression, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-12
Updated: 2016-05-12
Packaged: 2018-06-08 01:24:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6833140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amycooper/pseuds/amycooper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel needs someone to pick him up.</p><p>Takes place after Amara is dealt with and Lucifer is expelled from Castiel. It is very likely to become AU as season 11 progresses.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Decomposition

_ I pray to thee o’ Castiel to give me a call as soon as you can; we’ll pick you up. _

 

What a good idea, thought Cas.  Yes, he could use someone to pick him up.  He was lying somewhere remote, somewhere quiet, and he couldn’t quite summon the energy to get up, look around and find the Winchesters.  So he lay, alone in his vessel, on the floor of the forest, body limp, nose against the slowly composting leaves.

 

_ Hey, Cas?  It’s been a while.  I figured you’d find a phone by now.  The spell should have worked, no matter where you are.  Lucifer should be gone.  You aren’t hurt, are you?  Just...contact me when you can. _

 

Cas rolled over.  He’s pretty proud of himself for it, in a small part of his brain that is still registering the emotions raging somewhere within him.  At least instead of the leaf-littered forest floor, he’s now staring at the stars.  The stars are beautiful, a sure sign of the glory of his father’s creation.  But closing his eyes and replaying season after season of Netflix original productions, that’s better.  At least when he does that, he doesn’t feel anything at all.

 

_ Castiel?  It’s been several days.  Sam’s worried.  Hell, I’m worried.  We’re looking for you man, so if you’re hurt, just...just sit tight man, we’ll find you.  I promise.  And if you can get to a phone, please, just give me a call.  I need to know you’re alright. _

 

It’s Dean’s voice again, bleeding into Orange is the New Black.  As it comes out of Red’s mouth, Cas feels disorientated, confused.  He opens his eyes and squints against the sun.  Frost is cool against his skin.  Nothing hurts.  Everything hurts.  Human entertainment.  Human concerns.  Human emotion.  It dazes him.  It has become too much.  Instead he listens to the ants, marching in their vast underground palace.  He listens to the chipmunk, searching the forest floor for food.  Below him billions upon billions of bacteria and fungi digest the soil.  It is all layed out before him: so simple.  There is nothing to add.

 

_ Castiel.   _ There was nothing but sun and the stars and the work of the soil until his name breaks the silence.  There’s a long pause before the voice continues.   _ Cas.  We’ve been looking for you, looking for the last week.  Crowley finally answered his damn voicemail and confirmed that Luci’s back in the cage, so...the spell worked.  Are you okay?  Are you hurt?  Are you...are you mad at me?   _ Cas realizes it’s Dean.  Yes, it’s Dean.  He’d recognize that voice anywhere.   _ Just, even if you are.  Even if you don’t want to see me, can you at least let me know you’re alright?  Let me know you’re alive.  Please? _

 

It rains.  Cas rolls over and breathes in the rich smell, his angelic senses telling him more than he even wants to know about the forest floor.  So much life, so much simple, unthinking, unknowing life.  He wishes he could melt into it.  And then he does.

 

_ Ah, I pray to you Castiel.   _ New voice.  Sam.   _ Dean’s been besides himself ever since we cast Lucifer out.  I’m worried too.  We haven’t heard from you in over two weeks now.  We’ve tried praying to Chuck, we’ve tried asking the other angels, we’ve looked for leads but…   _ There’s a pause, Cas can almost hear the sigh.   _ If you’re hurt, just know we’re looking for you and we won’t stop until we find you.  And if you’re upset we cast Lucifer out of you, just, please?  One call?  A text?  Anything? _

 

Castiel tracks the sun through the canopy of the forest and, when it sets, the moon.  The sun returns and the cycle repeats again.  And again.  And again.  And again.  It rains and Cas doesn’t bother to turn to the earth; he’s already part of it.

 

_ Cas?   _ He blinks.   _ Cas? _

 

_ I just can’t lose you. _

 

_ I can’t. _

 

The prayer stutters, shudders under the weight of Dean’s sorrow, Dean’s love.  He should get up.  Cas should stand up and find Dean.  But the weight of everything he did, everything that was done to him, the weight of his own uselessness, he can’t lift it.  He can’t lift himself.  He’s still waiting for Dean to come pick him up.

 

_ Cas, I love you. _

 

The words momentarily reach through the soil but Cas’s smile is a fragile, fleeting thing.  It’s the first movement he’s made in days.  Then Cas closes his eyes and he sinks back into the earth.  The sun’s rays beats down on his crisp leaf-littered skin, the worms make their home in his arteries.  He is nothing and he has come to find peace in that.  He imagines giving himself over to the soil.

 

_ Cas… _

 

_ Cas… _

 

_ Cas… _

 

“CAS!”

  
There’s an unfamiliar beat vibrating through the earth, up into his body that still lays upon it, despite wherever his mind has wandered.  He feels.  He feels the touch upon his body but he doesn’t move.  He surrendered to the worms long ago.  He is gripped but he doesn’t care.  Then he’s picked up.  It is only then, as he’s lifted, that he remembers he is a creature of the sky.


End file.
